smDh

I would like to first say that I do not have a bucket list. Just a list of things loosely floating around my head that I at least think I want to do before I die. Well tonight one was accomplished. I have wanted to get drunk on a school night for a long time. Do I have any real reason? Not really. Its just one of those things that you feel compelled to do but you dont know why. So tonight, being one of the last nights of high school, I decided to indulge along with some buds of mine. 

And while it was a fun time, I think the principle is what will last with me. As intellectuals say “Carpe Diem”. As more modernly said “Yolo”. Whilst doing what I did isnt really seizing the day, it is in a way to me. I did something that I have never done before and pushed past my comfort zone. To me, that is seizing the day, at least in one aspect. 

I am preparing to be judged. 

If you keep up with my posts, you know that a few weeks ago I read Moby Dick. Or at least I thought I did. You may ask yourself how one can think he read something but didnt actually. Well I shall tell you.

Anyways, it is only appropriate I begin with where the story started today. I went to Unique to pick up some new (and I use that term loosely) clothes. I was looking in the books section though, and noticed Moby Dick. It was quite thick so I picked it up and started flipping through it. Each page has small text, was filled, and there were about 300 pages. That conflicted with everything I thought I knew about Moby Dick, because the copy I read was about 100 pages of content, but the text was huge. But then I remembered it was that Illustrated Classics version.

It is just odd that a book can claim to still be the same, but it be about a quarter of the actual novel. I am sure I have the gist of it and everything, but I now feel like I did a job half-done and that wont go away until I actually read the full novel. Sigh

As stable as I have been since my catastrophe last fall/early winter, I find myself in a weird situation. I am still stable, but my feelings, or more attitude, towards someone are most certainly not stable. I am constantly in a battle between myself as to how I feel. I cant tell if she is everything Ive ever wanted or if I have pictured her to be more than she actually is. I honestly combat with both sides. Either way, I have been trying for a good amount of time and normally I would give up. But this situation is different. Time seems to be an important factor here. Instead of time having worse effects like it so often does, I think time will help me here. However, time is in no way abundant and the more time I spend on this, the less time I have to either see where things go, or to spend on someone else.